Tuesday, January 12, 2010

train of thought

I really want to blog...but I can't really pick one thing to blog about.  Mostly because, as usual, there are too many things swimming around in my head and it's hard to pick just one to develop. 

So, have fun following my train of thought!  And let me warn you, the cars on this train may be on the same track, but they don't have a lot in common.  Welcome to my brain!!

I can't believe that January is almost half over, much less that my baby is going to be one in just a few weeks.  Bean and I are doing a Daniel Fast this week with our church.  I fasted in college, but it's been a long time since I've done a fast--and this is the first time I've done a Daniel fast.  Basically we're eating anything that comes from seed and isn't refined or have preservatives.  We aren't hungry at all, but it is an adjustment.  In fact it's a much healthier way to eat!

One of the neat things is the timing of this fast.  Back in December, when our whole family got sick and I ended up in the ER, Bean had an important physical test that he had to miss.  It's rescheduled for this Saturday.  In the Book of Daniel, Daniel and the other men with him ate just vegetables and water and at the end of 10 days their minds were sharper and they were healthier than all the other men.  In Daniel 10, another fast is recorded that gives more details of what he ate and didn't eat.   I think God is preparing Bean both mentally and physically this week for Saturday.  Bean said I could share that he's taking a physical test to become a police officer.  It's a longtime dream of his and we are praying that God opens every door.  We'd love if you joined us in praying!   This is just the second step in a long process.

We established some family rules a few months ago.  Simply writing them out and putting them on the kitchen wall did help Miss Rose in following them.  But we still struggle a lot with her speaking and responses.  She talks back, disagrees and speaks negatively A LOT more than I want her to, or is acceptable.  I'm thinking up a demarit system where after a certain number of marks, she loses a privilege or has consequences.  It's hard to figure out what that would be though.  There isn't one thing that she does every single day.  And half of the week she isn't with me, so restrictions could be hard or impossible to enforce.  I have to do something though, because it's not getting better.

I used to think I would be this awesome mom with children who behaved and were respectful.  I'm finding that is a lot harder than I anticipated.  I just haven't quite figured it out yet.  I'm trying to decipher were we didn't discipline soon enough with Miss Rose so that we can do better with Gracie.  She's starting to show some verbal spunk herself.  This parenting thing is hard sometimes.

There are random moments in the day, that it hits me once again that Eddie is gone.  As I was running this afternoon (I actually got a short 3 mile run in!) he came to mind once again.  It's been a journey to figure out my grief as I haven't seen Eddie more than a handful of times in the past ten years.  But for about 10 years I saw him several times a week.  I realized today that much of my grief stems from the man I know Eddie was, and how incredibly important he was to those closest to him and the huge hole that he leaves.  Yes, the hole in my life is there, but it's nothing compared to the hole he leaves in others. 

A few blogs I've read recently have given me food for thought about my blog and my honestly and boldness in what I talk about.  I want to be more raw this year on my blog.  Not that I'm not real or honest, but I think there is more I can share.  And mostly, it's for me.  While I am glad that a handful of people read and enjoy my blog, it's my outlet.  I enjoy writing and express myself best that way.  So I think I'm going to become more expressive.

Oh, and baby Finley who was born in November at 26 weeks, weighting 1 pound and 6 oz?  She's hopefully going home soon!  Perhaps even before her mid-February due date.  She's past 4 pounds now, off oxygen and learning to eat.  God is GOOD!  She is a miracle baby in so many ways.  I'm excited to go celebrate with her mom soon and shower her with lots of love.  This is a long-awaited for baby in more ways than one.

There are so many more cars on this train...but it's getting late and the train is slowing down. 

**there are probably about ten links I should have put into this post, but not happening tonight :)

6 comments:

  1. What about doing a reward at the end of a week that she could lose? We started a somewhat demerit system. After ten "slips" our girls lose their treat at the end of the week. They can lose points but also gain them for being kind and helpful and obeying the first time. I discovered recently that they respond better to the "treat" as opposed to the "removing things" discipline, but every child is different. Our treat this weekend is renting a movie so it doesn't have to be a HUGE deal either :D So far, so good....

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  2. Oh my sister...I am so with you on the parenting thing. I never dreamed it would be so challenging on some days. Most days, quit frankly!! But still so rewarding also. Anyway...I have really been battling the same things with my kids and I have become very frustrated with it. My husband and I have talked about the whole rules things. A lot of our rules are implied, but have never been posted. We have got to get that done...sooon!!! The problem I find with some of my parenting in consistency. I know I have to be consistent for it to take effect, but with the busy of life, I often fail. ugh!!! I love MomBrose idea of a reward at the end of the week, but I have such a hard time not allowing a child to participate in the reward if they lose the privilege. I know...that is the whole point. Parenting is sooo hard!!!

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  3. I wish I felt the freedom you do to blog so openly but unfortunately sometimes I feel like the people who read my blog are not the people I want to know those things about me. There have been times when I have thought of starting a blog that is for certain friends only. I already wonder if what I am doing with G is the best thing. Hannah gave me some good parenting books and I like this book she gave me about Sheperding a childs heart. The benefit of having children later than some of my friends is that I get to learn from you all:)You and Hannah would relate so much bc your kids are around the same age - hers are 6, 4, and 1

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  4. That must be really hard knowing how to discipline a child that doesn't always remember to do what you've been asking. My oldest is not even 3, so I can't offer any advice. But I'm sure you are fair and loving in the midst of your discipline. You'll do great.

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  5. Enjoyed your rambling : ) Better a jumbled post than no post at all, I say!

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  6. I get it. And am super interested in that Daniel Fast.

    Steph

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Thanks for your comment! I always love getting feedback on my posts.