Monday, August 23, 2010

she just wanted me

I read this post of MckMama's tonight.  I remember reading it the first time she posted it.  Such truth to those words.

In fact, I had my own similar experience tonight which I had thought about blogging.  Reading her post has prompted me to do so.

Gracie-girl, my sweet Gracie, is becoming quite the handful.  Part of it is the influence of her older sister.  Part of it is her age.  Part of it is perhaps feeling like she misses out on attention she wants because she has an 18-month old baby sister.

When she doesn't get her way, she often says "I never get to _____."  When asked to do something, often her initial response is no.  How she talks to us and responds is often disrespectful.  This weekend in the car she requested a particular CD.  Miss Rose was already in tears over something else, so I felt that we needed some worship music.  Gracie did not like that I was changing it from the kids music and she chucked a toy towards me and the front of the van in disgust.  I hadn't pulled away from the house yet.  I quickly got out of the car, pulled her out the carseat and spanked her.  I had two crying children in my car.  It was such a treat.

Gracie has also learned how to turn on the tears.  She doesn't do it too frequently, but it's happened enough for me to observe that she can control her tears.  After all the usual stalls and requests and bedtime routines, Bean told me Gracie was crying in her bed and wanted me to come lay with her.

This was at least 15 minutes after we had left the room.  Maybe more.  I thought--no, I'm not going to lay with her.  She's just trying to postpone bedtime and manipulate me.  Sure enough when I entered the room she was sitting up, expectant.  When I asked her what she needed, the tears began, with her request that I lay with her.

I figured, I'll compromise.  If I refuse, it will prolong her bedtime.  But, since I realize she's dragging bedtime out, I will put a limit on it.  So I told Gracie I would lay with her for two minutes.

I laid down and she curled up into me, like she did as an infant when we co-slept.  She nestled her head in the crook of my neck and shoulder, just like she did for so many nights as an infant and toddler when I sang to her before a nap or bedtime.

My girl just wanted me.  Sure she was postponing bedtime and using her tears to do it.  But she really did want me and need me. 

And she deserved those few minutes I spent with her.   Because often her requests are put to the side as I deal with a demanding 18 month old.  Spending those few minutes with her, meant a lot more to her, than using them for something else would have meant to me.

This is why I am a mom.  And why I love it so much.

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