Sunday, September 19, 2010

already behind

I am trying SO.HARD to find joy in the journey.  That's been my inner mantra this past week.  I'm having a few weeks (and probably a few yet to come) where I feel behind before I've even started.  I'm getting what I need done, but at the cost of a bit of my sanity.  It's the homefront, the workfront, the lifefront.  It's just full.

Joy in the journey.  So many around me are experiencing great heartbreak.  A 4-month old baby recently diagnosed with a brain disorder.  Much is yet unknown about her prognosis, but it seems without a miracle, her development will be severely impaired.  A 36-year old mom of three, with aggressive breast cancer looking at at least one year of intense treatment.

May day to day struggles pale in comparison to these journeys. 

Yet I struggle.  I want to focus on the positives.  I want to recognize the blessings.  I want to look at the big picture.  And I do.  I do all of these things.  Yet still I feel weighed down.  Overwhelmed.  Stuck.  Bleak.

I trust.  I trust in my Lord.  I trust in His plan.  I trust in His Word. 

I say, why so downcast O my soul.  Put your trust in the Lord.  Hide me in the shadow of your wings.  (Psalm 17:8, Psalm 43:5)

One day at a time.  One task at a time.  One moment at a time when necessary.

I soak in the affection of my daughters.  I bask in the love my of my husband.  I drown in the grace of my Savior.

I may already be behind this week, but I'm going to try again.  To seek after hope.  To find joy in the journey.

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