Wednesday, September 1, 2010

on the merry-go-round

Do you ever feel like your life is a merry-go-round that seems to never stop so you can get off?  That's where I'm at right now.  I had a great week with the kids last week, but come Sunday night the "back to work" blues hit, and then a cold turned into a virus with the baby, complete with fever.  That merry-go-round kicked up and off we went.  It seems like it's coming to a stop, but I can't be sure.

I don't like weeks like this.  I don't like feeling this way.  This was not a good re-entry into the working mom life, after a calm, fun week of being a mom.

Due to a variety of things, I completely lost it on Tuesday.  I was intending to go to work, but the wheels flew off of everything and my only option was to stay home.  Not that I was upset to stay home.  When my children are sick, it rips my heart in two to leave them and go to work.  But after being gone for a week, and then my first day back was an off-site planning day, I had work piled up. 

And when I say I lost it, I mean I cried for over an hour.  I would stop, and then start again.  And for me, crying for an hour is the equivalent of the average woman crying for three days straight.  I never cry like that.  But I needed it.  Crying is cleansing and often I wish I could let myself cry more. 

But, in the midst of it all, God is good and when all the wheels fly off your life, he provides people to loan you their spare tires.  Bean has been amazing, staying home two days this week with Lily.  Family stepped in to help out with the older girls these last few days too--and they even brought us a pizza last night.  Someone even did some cleaning at my house.  We have awesome family.  We love being there for them too.

I am hoping, praying, expecting, believing that tomorrow I will get off this merry-go-round and resume normal life and normal emotions.  On Monday, the doctor said to expect three days of fever for Lily.  Tonight completes three days so hopefully tomorrow she will be fever free.

My thought tonight was that I want to find joy in the journey.  Life is a journey.  There are always going to be ups and downs.  But I'm asking God to restore my joy and give me peace in th storm.

I do plan to resume the fun of sharing life with our Three-Bean Circus.  I have so many photos from this summer.

Here's hoping all is well with you!

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