Wednesday, November 3, 2010

honest

How often are you honest with yourself?  With others?  I spend a lot of time being not honest.  Mostly with myself, but that bleeds over into my interactions with others.  It's not that I want to be dishonest.  It's usually that I don't like my emotions or opinions.  So I pretend they aren't there.  Or that they aren't that big of a deal. 

But I know that's not healthy.  And so I've been trying more to be honest.  Mostly with myself.  I'm finding that when I'm honest with myself, God can speak to me more. 

If I'm being honest, being a working mom is really hard.  And it breaks my heart to leave my babies, even though I have an ideal work situation.

If I'm being honest, I know that I'm supposed to be a working mom right now.  If I wasn't working, we wouldn't have been able to buy our home, which also provides a home for my parents. 

If I'm being honest, I hope and pray that by working now, someday in the future I'll have the opportunity to not work.  I firmly believe that God gives us the desires of our heart as we delight in him, and that desire is as strong as ever, so I know it will be fulfilled one day.

If I'm being honest, I'm thrilled that God has provided for us to have thousands of dollars of renovations on our house, that we won't have to pay for thanks to grants.  I know that's one of His blessings, and a sign that we are right where we are supposed to be in life.

If I'm being honest, my kids are rather disrespectful with their speech and attitude towards us.  We are trying so hard to correct this, but are at a loss sometimes.  It's embarrassing.  I blame myself.  I blame my fatigue from such a full life and laziness too.

If I'm being honest, I'm not good at "playing with" my kids.  I feel like I should be.  But I'm not.  I love having them around and interacting with them.  But I feel like I need to play more.

If I'm being honest, I am richly blessed.  Rick Warren has said "no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for."  Things in my life aren't bad.  Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I feel like they are.  But I have so much to be thankful for.

If I'm being honest, I am a work in process.  I will always be.  I just want to love God, love my husband and raise my children to love God too. 

I like being honest.

**this is linked up with Julia for Working Mommy Wednesday.

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