Tuesday, January 25, 2011

birthday eve

7 years ago, it was my last evening before becoming a mother.

Miss Rose had not cooperated and was comfy with her head up in my ribs, close to my beating heart.  She would make her debut through the surgeon's cut.

Bean and I went out to dinner that night and saw the movie Big Fish.  I made sure everything was ready and packed for my early morning wake up.  I took my trusty Tylenol PM because I knew there was no way I'd fall asleep quickly.

I spent years dreaming about becoming a mother.  Imagining what it would be like to have a baby of my own.  Once that first baby was growing in my belly, I dreamed about her.  Wondered what she would look like.

Would she have darker skin like her dad?  Or the lighter skin that would be in 75% of her genes.  Would her hair be curly like mine?  What color would her eyes be?

I already loved her.  I was already her mom.

She was my dream come true.

I remember that night like it was yesterday.  I remember waking up the next morning, so excited for what the day would hold, even if it wasn't going to be the birth I had hoped for.

Regardless of the means, my baby was going to be born.  I would hold her in my arms and nurse her at my breast.

I waited my whole life for that day.

It's been everything I hoped it would and so much I never knew it would be.

Motherhood is the best and the hardest thing I've done in my life.

On this, my firstborn's birthday eve, I think back to that night.  I think back on the last 7 years.

And I love it.  Being a mom is the greatest gift.

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