My soul has felt so restless. For months, maybe even a year of months. I attribute it to many things. To books I've read, that have changed and challenged me. To the new journey's of life I've been traveling. To turning 35 in a few months.
I don't like this restless feeling. I like plans and routines. Feeling settled and solid. But I do like this restless feeling, because it's causing me to go deeper. Deeper inside myself, deeper in the Lord and his word.
The problem is, I'm no longer satisfied with surface. I'm learning and seeing so much more that God is always at work, in the light and happy and in the darkness and death. There are two sides, maybe even more, to every story and you won't ever know it all. Only He does. When the darkness descends, I know he's there, he's in it and I just want to see him and find out what he's doing in me, around me, through me.
I'm restless because I'm searching and seeking. Peering around corners and underneath things. Looking for God. Looking for what he's doing in the world and in me. His story is my story and my story is his story. I have a story, so many stories to tell. And there is more to be written. So I lay awake in the middle of the night, asking for revelation.
There were sun-showers this morning. The sun was bright and shining to the east, but it was raining. Looking through the rain, to the sun. Neither the rain nor the sun make sense. They really don't fit together. Yet on the other side of rain is the sun and on the other side of the sun is more rain.
And so it goes with life. I'm looking for the sun beyond the rain and sometimes in the warm sun, I sense the rain.
I soak in the sun. I soak in the rain. Letting them both penetrate me to the core, to stir up restlessness, to change me.
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