Thursday, April 5, 2012

remembering {5 years ago}

The birth of my children is as crystal clear in my mind as if it were yesterday. The highs and the lows, the joy and the pain.  These are some of my favorite memories and I hope in twenty years they are just as clear.

Five years ago yesterday was my due date with my second child. I stayed home from work, resting and spending time with my then 3-year old.  I just didn't feel up to going to work that day.  In the late afternoon I was feeling some contractions, but I wasn't ready to say "this is it." Although I do remember sitting on the couch chatting with my sister-in-law and having to pause conversation during contractions.

I remember not wanting to eat dinner, so I went and laid down. Bean came in to check on me, and while he was there I felt a pinch, a pop and some wetness. As quickly as a 40 week preggo can do, I stood up and Niagara Falls flowed.  My mom and sister-in-law kept Miss Rose occupied in the living room while Bean cleaned up the carpet and I cleaned myself.

I remember making a few phone calls letting people know we were on the way to the hospital. Although I couldn't call any of my siblings because two of them were in Mexico and one was in Bolivia. I called the youth pastor I worked with and planned to leave a message because it was during the youth service. He happened to be making announcements and decided to answer the phone anyways because he rightly suspected the reason I was calling.  I remember him telling the students and hearing them scream with excitement.

I remember finding out later that when my good friend picked Miss Rose up to spend the night, she clipped the bushes on our driveway and her van still has the damage to prove it! And at their house Miss Rose told their teenage son and his friends that "mommy's juices were coming out" because that's what Bean told her when he ran back in the house for extra towels as we were leaving.

I remember a long night in labor, hours of pushing and no baby.  And in the morning accepting that I was about to have my second c-section. I remember wondering if the baby could come out on it's own on my way to the OR because the pain and pressure was so intense. I remember a baby in distress and the quickest c-section ever. I remember the words "uterine rupture."

And I remember finally hearing a cry. And APGAR scores that were normal. I remember being so grateful for a healthy baby.  And being so so tired. Calling my friend to come sit with Gracie so I could sleep a little, since Bean went home to be with Miss Rose and I just couldn't relax without someone else there. And now my friend has a 6 month old baby of her own.

I remember how much I loved being a mom to two children. 

Happy Birthday Gracie girl! I am so thankful for you and your life. Every year on your birthday, I will remember how many moms who went through what I did, weren't as fortunate.

My biggest baby became my lean, long girl. Fair skinned and freckled, with ringlets galore.  Animal lover with an incredible imagination.

How I love you.