Saturday, January 31, 2015

brain dump on writing, running, {not} eating & embracing

I came across some old files the other day that contained a bunch of poetry and writing from high school. I was reminded how much I enjoy writing and it's always been therapeutic for me. I'm not saying any of it is Pulitzer Prize material, but it's real and it's me. Early in high school I started keeping a prayer journal. Each entry is a mix of a letter to God and a diary entry about my life. I have saved them all and have probably thousands of sheets written. I still keep a prayer journal, although my entries aren't as long as they were in high school.

This space is an outlet for me too, and a great way to document my families life. I enjoy the community I have found in the social media world, although my real every day community always takes priority. Too often I get caught up in wanting to make my blog feel more professional or carefully crafted posts. But maybe I just need to return to writing. After all, some of my favorite blogs to read are just about everyday life, fun and challenges.

The running bug has bitten me again, as I knew it would once I finished school and had more time. But the more time doesn't always happen and I wish I was able to log about 5 more miles a week than I currently am (10-15). But my health journey and all I've learned in the past few years puts me a bit at odds with logging lots of miles. I know that chronic cardio can be detrimental to your health and that cross-training and have enough rest is important too. So I am trying to balance my need for miles with respecting my health--especially when I am recovering from working a night shift.

In fact, I have decided to place myself on the inactive running list for the next week. I have been having a lot of frustrating digestive issues and my current caloric intake isn't truly enough to support running. I still was running this past week--because NEED--but it may not have been super smart. I ran a few treadmill miles before work tonight and maybe one of them was pretty fast and maybe my back is hurting, My own fault. So I'm going to borrow PiYo from my sister-in-law for the week and take things down a notch.

This whole stomach thing is super frustrating. I already eat almost all real food--nothing super processed, I avoid all the weird chemicals and preservatives. I eat gluten-free and have been strictly grain-free for a few weeks. I have even eliminated caffeine, dairy, eggs, nightshades, nuts and seeds the past 10 days to try and fix things. None of these foods give me problems that I know of, but I know they are inflammatory and so I am trying to treat any root causes I can. I have a doctor's appointment next week because this has been going on for weeks now. Eating the equivalent of 1-2 meals per day, if I'm lucky, just isn't ok.

Some days I rock at this whole "embrace the day, whatever it holds" thing. But a lot of days, I don't. I find myself comparing, unsatisfied with areas of my life, frustrated that I never seem to cross anything off of my perpetual "to-do" list because the daily non-negotiables fill the day. And things happen like yesterday when I realized 2 of girls needed antibiotics and so we spent almost 3 hours in Urgent Care to get it taken care of.

The manifesto I arrived at for the year? Just survive. And do my best to thrive. I need to accept and embrace better. And carpe diem. Instead of worrying about tomorrow.

And that, is my brain dump. And this is my prayer. That be clothed in strength and dignity and face each day with all my trust in God.